– Wednesday 1st October 2014

Once again I’ve been asked again to write something for the blog, just to let people know that El Pocito and I still exist. Well worry no longer, all is well with both of us.  And after much rain, far earlier than usual, I have at long last been able to get out onto the land and started on the mammoth annual tree-planting task, after missing this important opportunity last year.  Hoping now to get all 300 specimens (currently in pots) into their permanent sites by December, so they have the best chance of putting down roots before the summer heat, just in case I am not here to water.

Next is my latest profound thought, inspired by a just released and wonderful film (WHAT IF), and prompting me to re-consider the future for both me and El Pocito.  When Maureen died, almost a year ago now, the consensus of the hundreds of messages I received was the hope that I would continue with what we had both spent so long searching for and working at (34 years), creating the perfect place to live, based on an edible forest/ self-sufficiency.  And throughout this long hard year that has been a source of great comfort/ strength, except for the one significant difference, her absence.  Because without Maureen the relevance of what we have achieved has often been difficult to appreciate.  Though not once could I imagine living anywhere else either, so many of the factors I now consider vital for happiness and health are here.  But perhaps there has to be another possibility. In a perfect world (where people like Maureen don’t die) I really would like to stay here, forever, nowhere in all my travels have I found anywhere so fantastic.  Alone though this is impossible, so I have been thinking about moving on.  Not in a pro-active way, searching for an alternative, but preparing myself for the possibility should it arise.  Finding that significant other, and where she wants to live elsewhere.  Here is the quote from the film which describes it, far better than I:

Wallace: What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you?

Chantry: My Mom died when I was in Junior High.  She had breast cancer.  You don’t realise how quickly everything can fall apart until it does.  Makes you want to never give up anything good again.

I really hope someone comes forward to join me here, but right now it is as important to be with someone as wonderful as Maureen, wherever that might lead me.

Finally, this month is particularly poignant as this is when Maureen fell into a coma last year (on the 18th of October), then spent the next 10 days asleep at home, until finally an ambulance came on the 28th and she spent her last 12 hours in hospital, dying at 11.30am on Tuesday 29th October.  I hope you will find some time to appreciate the good fortune you have at being well and with a partner who loves you, in her memory.

 

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2 comments
  1. Sunny said:

    Beautiful Phil, thank you for sharing. I read this post as resonant with peace and acceptance and I am glad for you. Who knows what the future holds for any of us? I think it is wise to stay open to all possibilities, who knows, they could be very lovely indeed – we just can’t see them yet. I’m also in a place of waiting and, sometimes, hoping! Blessings.

  2. Kath said:

    Thank you Phil, for a lovely post and for reminding me to be grateful for what I have. Blessings and best best wishes in your quest. Kath

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